Letters to Schwartz and Holzman
by TheWitch'sDorothy
Summary: The Wicked character's opinions on the differences between their book and musical selves. Just a way for me to combat semi-writer's block and be silly.
1. Boq's Letter

Dear Schwartz and Holzman,

I am writing to you today to address the one of the many concerns Wicked fans: the lack of Gloq in both the book and the musical. As I have spent countless hours tirelessly pursuing Miss Galinda's affections, I find it both humiliating and insulting that I _still_ am not her significant other. It also confuses me that someone can spend so much time and effort in these activities, and still not succeed. The musical and book seem to ignore my pleas for Miss Galinda's attention, the musical more so than the book. In the book, at least I got to kiss her. I would also like to use this letter to point out my concerns with the pairings of Gliyero and Bessa, mainly: how did they happen? In the book, Glinda and Fiyero and Nessarose and I barely spoke to one another! How did this translate into Nessarose following me around like a lovesick puppy? (Note: I mean this in the nicest way possible, but unfortunately, it's the only accurate description.) Honestly, I must question your judgement on this decision. And then I get turned into a Tin Man?! Is that any way to repay me for being such a kind and caring (not to mention persistant) person?

I truly hope that you will take this into serious consideration.

Yours truly,

Boq

P.S. To all fanfiction writers: write Gloq! It will help my cause!


	2. Avaric's Letter

Dear Schwartz and Holzman,

Why am I a carriage driver?! I will have you know that I am the son of the Margreave of Tenmeadows, and therefore am one of the highest-ranking people in all of Oz, thank you very much. And as if that's not enough, you took my personality (and my stunning good looks) and gave it to Fiyero. That's right, you replaced me with that stupid Winkie prince! Who in all honesty, should be MY driver! What the hell were you all thinking?! I am an unforgettable character in both looks and attitude, and you didn't just take me out of the plotline altogether, you replaced me with that idiot! How dare you! This is an affront to the name of Tenmeadows, not to mention a prime example of horrible decision making. I still am in shock after seeing your musical that I am not in a starring role, and I'm sure all of my many fans and admirers feel the same. You will be hearing from my lawyers because of this!

Sincerely,

Avaric Tenmeadows

P.S. A carriage driver? Really?


	3. Liir's Letter

Dear Schwartz and Holzman,

Where am I? I'm not exactly a trivial character; I'm Elphaba and Fiyero's son for Oz's sake! And you decided that I'm not worthy of your musical? Well because of you, everyone's writing fanfictions about Elphaba and Fiyero's children, and guess what? I'm in around two of them! (Not to mention people always misspell my name...) May I ask how you intend to explain how the story continues if you leave me out of it the musical? I mean, I have my own book! How do you overlook someone that has a book written about them, specifically titled Son Of A Witch? Not to mention that I am a key character in the following books as well. With all due respect, I honestly wonder what goes through your heads sometimes...

Sincerely,

Liir, son of Elphaba

P.S. You didn't include Irji, Manek, and Nor either; don't think we didn't notice. You'll be hearing from them soon enough.


	4. Sarima's Letter

Dear Schwartz and Holzman,

I must say that while I thought your musical was somewhat enjoyable, it was completely and utterly inaccurate, especially in the characters you chose in portray. For example, where am I? I'm Fiyero's wife and you left me out! And to add insult to injury you made him engaged to that blonde airhead, Glinda Upland! Then you had him run off with the green bean! I may be the Dowager Princess of Duckshit, but at least I had a husband, and you didn't even give me that much! And don't think that it would go unnoticed that you gave both of those characters starring roles in your little production, but I, his actual, legally married wife, wasn't even mentioned by name. Did I mention that both the airhead and the green bean were both at least partially responsible for his death? And s if that wasn't horrid enough, you chose not to include my children or my sisters, either! (Though I can't blame you for not including my sisters; they're real pains…) But my children, the sons and daughter of Prince Fiyero Tigelaar weren't included, and that idiotic farm girl and her repulsive little dog were?! That makes absolutely no logical sense!

Sincerely,

Sarima Tigelaar, Princess of the Arjikis and Fiyero's wife

P.S. I'm filing a joint lawsuit between myself and Avaric Tenmeadows. Look for it in the mail, because it will come.

P.P.S. And as an afterthought, because you never included me in that musical, I am now the "villain" in all of these fanfictions! How many times must I tell these people, I AM FIYERO'S WIFE! Not that green thing or that brainless blonde!


End file.
